Animorphs: The Replacement
by musicman88
Summary: COMPLETE! AU. What if Tobias had learned about Rachel's secret mission during the final battle before she had a chance to leave? What might he do to stop her from going and what consequences might it have as the events play out?
1. Chapter 1

Animorphs: The Replacement

[insert normal disclaimer here]

_Thought-speak in Italics_

-

My name is Tobias and I was restless. I just couldn't stay in one place for very long before having to fly off and look for something else to do. Not that there was a whole lot to do really. When you know that your entire life is going to change by the end of the next day it's hard to try and accomplish anything beforehand.

And our lives definitely were going to change for better or for worse. You see, we've been fighting this war with the Yeerks for more than three years by this point and so far they've been winning. But this morning Jake said he had a plan, one final plan, that would finally settle the score either way. If it worked then by the end of tomorrow the Yeerk invasion would be over and all the human hosts would start to get released. If it didn't work then all of us would end up dead and the Yeerks would have no one to stop them from making all the humans on Earth into controllers. It was just that kind of plan. All or nothing. To win big you've got to gamble big and we were gambling huge. But I trusted Jake. After being under his command for over three years how could I not? And even if the plan didn't work and we all ended up dead I knew that we would've given it our best shot. We definitely weren't doing any good just sitting there in the Hork-Bajir valley while the Yeerks tear up everything around us that's for sure.

So, as I said before I was feeling a bit restless and I decided to go one one last flight before the sun went down completely. It could have very well been my last chance to do so. But as I was trying to ride a quickly diminishing thermal I noticed something far off in the distance. At first they were only two dark specs against the colorful sun-setting sky, but as I zoomed in on them I began to see just enough detail to identify them.

The first thing I noticed was that they were both birds, probably raptors, and one was much bigger than the other. This gave me a good idea of what was happening, but what really tipped me off was that the bigger of the two seemed to have no head against the light colored sky behind it. The only conclusion I could come up with was that the bigger bird was a bald eagle. And since we were significantly far away from any river valleys I could further assume that it was in fact Rachel in morph. And if that was Rachel then the other smaller bird must have been Jake. He was probably taking her aside to tell her what she would be doing tomorrow as part of his final plan.

Jake had been doing that to everybody throughout the day including me. I guess it kind of makes sense to only tell people what they need to know. That way if someone gets captured or something they can't tell the Yeerks everything about Jake's plan so we'd still hold some element of surprise. But... I couldn't help but be curious about Jake's plan. I trusted Jake completely when he told me he had a final plan set up, but just because I trusted him doesn't mean I wouldn't be naturally curious about the rest of the plan. I mean, having to sneak into the Pool Ship with Toby and her platoon just so I could "eat" Erik before join up with the rest of the team was cool and everything, but why the hell was I supposed to do something like that? If that was my part of the plan then I could only imagine what everyone else had to do.

So I couldn't help but be a bit curious about everything else that was going on tomorrow, but I wasn't about to ask Jake or anyone else for that matter about what they were doing. But, if I just so happened to overhear Jake telling someone a bit more about his plan then it really wasn't as bad as going and asking for more information, right? I knew I probably should mind my own business and let Jake and Rachel have their talk in private, and if it was anyone else I probably would have, but he was going to be talking to Rachel. MY Rachel. We had become so close over the past three years. She knew everything there was to know about me and I knew everything there was to know about her. Why not add this in there as well? And it wasn't like it would be a HUGE deal anyway since then I'd only know one-fifth more of the plan than I already did. What's the worst that could happen?

Since they were flying slightly away from me and the sun was directly behind me I figured they hadn't seen me. (Jake would've probably said something to me if he had). I made sure to keep the same distance between us as I followed them down next to the tree tops (so I could quickly duck into them if they looked back). I didn't have to follow them for all that long before both Jake and Rachel suddenly dropped down and out of sight. At first I wondered wether they'd spotted me and were trying to lose me, but then I remembered that there was a clearing up around where they were. It was the perfect spot to have their meeting since it was so isolated from the rest of the Hork-Bajir valley. I sped up a bit so that I could make it there before they started talking.

I didn't quite make it into audible range before they started talking unfortunately. The first thing I heard clearly was Jake saying, "I just wanted to tell you that before tomorrow. If everything works out then that's great, but if it doesn't I just wanted you to know."

It wasn't a huge loss of knowledge though. Jake was probably just telling Rachel how much she meant to the group and how much he'd appreciated what she'd done and all that stuff just in case he never got a chance to say it again. He'd done the same to me during our meeting. Rachel then came back and said how good of a leader Jake had been and all of that stuff just like I had done as well. After they exchanged a hug it was time for them to finally get down to business.

This was the moment I had been waiting for and luckily for me I was close enough to find a decent perch without making too much noise doing so. I slowly glided down through the tree tops and almost silently maneuvered through the tree branches until I spotted the perfect branch. From there I could hear them clearly and I also had a good line of sight to them without being too close to get spotted. As quietly as I could I flared my wings and took a nice perch on that tree branch so I could watch the show.

"Rachel," Jake said somberly, "you have the most important mission of all. You're going to be the back-up."

Rachel's expression turned from being slightly excited to slightly disappointed at the news. "Back-up?" she asked slowly, "what do you mean by back-up?"

Jake took a deep breath before he said, "Tom's Yeerk and I have made a deal. It's not important when and where this all took place, but what's important is the deal itself. He's willing to get us past the pool ship security, but in return he wants control of the blade ship and free passage off of Earth. He says he's willing to help us because he's as fed up with Visser One as we are, but I don't trust him. I can't trust him. I know he's going to try and betray us one way or another and even if he doesn't I can't let someone like him go free. That's why I need you."

Jake took a small pause which gave Rachel enough time to say, "So, what do you want me to do?"

"I managed to get some third party information which gave me a good idea of where Tom would be sleeping tonight," Jake continued. "What I need you to do is to catch up with him and follow him wherever he goes. Never let him out of your sight. It would probably be best if you used your flea morph to stay directly on him as much as possible. He will eventually make it to the Blade Ship and take control over it. I'm almost positive that he won't be able to resist gloating about fooling Visser One and stealing his Blade Ship so he'll have to come within close range of the Pool Ship to do so once both are in orbit. Here is where things get a bit varied depending on how everything else went."

"In the best case scenario we'll already have control of the Pool Ship and be more than ready for the Blade Ship to arrive. We'll already have the weapons warmed up and lined up so that we can deliver a crippling shot to the Blade Ship to keep it from running away. After it's immobilized we can then try to board it and take everyone aboard the ship, including Tom, prisoner. But if they don't surrender, which will probably be the case, then we're going to have to fight them all at which point you can jump off Tom and help us."

Jake took a big sigh before continuing, "In the worst case scenario... We'll either be all dead or maybe we just haven't gotten control over the ship when Tom arrives. In either case if it looks like Tom and the others on board are going to escape then it will be up to you and you alone to stop them. You're going to have to quickly find somewhere to demorph and morph into something suitable so keep that in mind. Your main target will be Tom since there's no way I can let him escape. And once you deal with him you'll have the rest of the crew to deal with as well... We'll try to do anything we possibly can to help, but chances are if it comes down to this then there's nothing we can do. You'll be on your own and there's really no plan for getting you back."

There was a long an eerie silence between both of them for quite a long time as everything began to sink in. Eventually though Jake broke the silence and began to talk once again. "I just can't let Tom's Yeerk escape. Even if things go flawlessly with our plan to take control of the Pool Ship there's still a small chance that Tom's Yeerk might end up escaping while the rest of the Yeerks surrender. He's very high up in the chain of command and he needs to be held responsible for all the things he's done to the human race as well as whoever else he's tortured. And even if we don't succeed and the Yeerks take over and enslave the entire Earth I'll have died happier knowing that at least one high-ranking Yeerk was dealt with. And you're the only one who I know could do it without hesitating. You're the only one out of the group that, if I gave the order, wouldn't think twice before doing it. I'd love to have you along with the rest of us but I really need you to do this even more."

"I know it must sound like a suicide mission and it could very well end up being one," Jake solemnly continued. "But even though I've been the one making all the hard decisions over the past few years I simply can't make this one. I'm not going to send you on a suicide mission. I'll leave the decision in your hands. If you're willing to accept this mission and prevent Tom's Yeerk from escaping then I'll continue on and tell you everything else you need to know. If not..."

Jake kind of trailed off as those last words rang through the air. Both Rachel and Jake stared down into the ground as a long silence fell over both of them. Then, all of a sudden, Rachel looked up and quietly said, "Jake, I'll do it."

_WHAT?_ I yelled out without even meaning to, _ARE YOU CRAZY_? Realizing what I had just done I tried to get quiet again, but it didn't take me long to figure out just how stupid that idea was. My cover was blown. They knew I had been listening the whole time. The only thing left to do was to come out of hiding and give them both a piece of my mind.

I stretched out my wings and jumped off the branch. I glided through the tangle of branches and eventually popped out into the clearing. As soon as my talons hit the ground I began to morph into my human form (actual yelling gets emotions across far better than thought-speak yelling does). But I simply couldn't wait until I had morphed to begin. My surprise at Rachel's answer had quickly turned into anger on my flight down from the branch and I was ready to burst.

_What the hell is wrong with you Jake?!?_ I yelled in thought-speak as I turned my attention to him first. He was still busy staring at the ground looking as if he almost expected this to happen. _You're willing to sacrifice one of the Animorphs, your own cousin, just to get some closure with your brother for being a controller? We've all been through a lot and it's tough on all of us, but you can't be making stupid ass calls like that right now. You seriously can't think of anything better for Rachel to do than to go kill herself as well as Tom? Rachel's probably the most important member of our team and you just want to throw her away like some worthless piece of garbage? How could you even think of doing something like that?_

By this point I was human enough to use my mouth, so as I switched my focus from Jake to Rachel I made sure to give it a work out. "And what about you Rachel?" I asked as I quickly swung around to look at her. She avoided gazing at me and pointed her eyes to the ground similar to what Jake had been doing. "What the hell were you thinking when you said 'yes' to this idiotic mission? Do you really think Tom is that important of a target that you have to sacrifice your life in order to take his? You know that the rest of the crew isn't just going to let you stand by while you kill him, right? You're going to have to take them all on and there's no way you can beat them all, especially all at once. And think about everyone you'd be leaving behind. Your mom, your dad, your sisters... me. All for what? So you can kill Tom and have whoever's left take over control of the ship before escaping anyway. Is that really worth it? Is that really worth your life to you?"

Rachel didn't have anything else to say as she continued to stare down at the ground. I turned around to stare at Jake and he was almost in the exact same position. "Doesn't anyone have anything to say?!?" I yelled in frustration.

"We need to get Tom's Yeerk," Jake said almost emotionlessly without even looking up. "If we manage to capture the Pool Ship but for some reason can't capture the Blade Ship we need someone on it to take out their leader who just happens to be Tom's Yeerk. Even if they can't take out the entire crew they'll take out the leader which should disorient them for some time. Maybe by then we could figure out a way to stop them."

"If we couldn't stop them before what makes you think a few extra minutes are going to help? This whole thing is about getting some closure with your brother, isn't it? You couldn't save him so now you have to kill him, right?"

Jake let out a big sigh before saying something that I wasn't ready for, "Right. You've basically got it."

I immediately went silent as Jake continued. "I've fought this entire war just so I could keep alive the simple hope of one day rescuing my brother. And... I've failed at that. I've failed miserably. So, since freeing him isn't an option anymore I figured I'd do the next best thing and release him from the torture he's been enduring for quite some time now."

I took a pause simply because I didn't know what to say back. I wouldn't have in a million years guessed that Jake would actually do something like this. He was usually the most calm, collected, and rational thinking out of all of us. He had to be. He was our leader.

"Jake..." I began after a long pause, "are... are you serious? Because if you are then I think you've finally snapped."

"I'm serious," Jake said in a very serious tone, "and quite frankly I don't care what you think about me."

"But Jake..." I continued, "I know you've been through some tough times and everything. We all have. But you can't be doing stuff like this. You can't just throw away Rachel's life because you want to "help" your brother. You've got to stay focused on the big picture. We're fighting for the freedom of the entire planet. You can't let some personal things get in the way of that. We need Rachel at the heart of the battle. She's the best warrior in the group by far."

Jake wasted no time before responding, "If Rachel doesn't go then I will."

I went silent for another good moment before saying, "Jake, you know you can't do that. We need you along with us. We need you to carry out your plan. This will be the final one... you said it yourself. It's too important for you not to come along."

"Nothing's more important than freeing Tom to me right now," Jake said coldly. "If no one else is willing to go then I'm going to go and make sure Tom gets freed one way or another. I've made up my mind and there's nothing you can do to change it. If I do end up going I'll tell Marco everything I think he needs to know and he'll be the one that would lead you tomorrow."

"Jake, you're crazy," I added in, "you're really finally crazy. Just sit back, relax, and think about it..."

"I have thought about it," Jake replied with a hint of rising anger and frustration in his voice, "that's all I've done is think about it! I don't care if you say I'm crazy and hate me for the rest of your life. Someone is going to go and kill Tom tomorrow and it looks like it's going to be me. I'm really sorry that things ended up like this but this is just something that's got to happen. If I lay there dying inside the pool ship thinking about all of the things I've failed at I simply can't let one of them be freeing Tom one way or another. And if Rachel isn't going to go then at least I'll have the satisfaction of knowing it was done firsthand!"

It was at that moment that I realized exactly what I had to do. I knew that Jake wasn't going to budge from his position but I also knew we needed him to lead the team. And we also needed Rachel on the team so we could fight our way through if need be which it probably would at some point. And she had too much to lose and leave behind if she went on the 'Kill Tom' mission. But there was someone else who would be perfect for the job...

"Jake, you can't go," I said after a moment's silence, "and Rachel can't go either. We need both of you on the main team." I took a short pause before saying, "I'll go."

As soon as those words left my mouth I heard Rachel say, "Tobias... no..."

"I'm the ideal one for the mission," I said back strongly. "You both have families you'd leave behind if you went and died. What do I have? A mom I've known for about a week. And you both have powerful morphs that will be incredibly useful during a battle. What do I have as my most experienced morph? A bird that'll do you a whole lot of nothing inside a ship. Just get Ax to take my place as a Taxon and everything will be fine."

Rachel looked like she wanted to say ten different things but she knew that each of those things would only further prove that I was best suited for the job. Jake just stared coldly at me. Whatever was going on in his mind wasn't going to show through his face. But soon enough he finally spoke again. "I just want to know one thing," he said almost emotionlessly, "if the time comes and I give you the order to take out Tom would you do it? Would you do it without giving it a second thought?"

I didn't even try to search myself for the true answer. I simply put on my fiercest hawk-inspired gaze, stared directly into Jake's cold, worn, empty eyes, and gave him the answer I had to give him. "Yeah," I said with as much force as I could, "I'll do it."

There was a long pause as Jake and I simply stared into one another's eyes. It was almost as if he was trying to pry into my mind and see whether or not I would really do it. I knew he'd be looking for a little bit of insecurity or something in my facial expression so I kept my face solid. I didn't have much time to process what I had really volunteered for so I really had no idea if I could pull it off or not. The only reason I was doing it was to protect Rachel and the mission. And I would do anything I could to protect Rachel...

After a long moment of silence between us Jake finally blinked and said, "Alright, if you're willing to go then you can replace Rachel. Tom will be staying at my family's house tonight so you should meet up with him as soon as possible. Do whatever it takes to follow him no matter where he goes or what he does. The normal surveillance technique isn't going to work. I need you to physically be on him at all times except when you need to morph. And even then make sure to get off and on quick. It is incredibly important that you don't lose him or, even worse, let him know he's being followed."

"There will be one point where we will come within thought-speak range of each other," Jake continued. "At that point I'll attempt to make contact with you to see if you're still where you need to be. If not then I'll have to take your place and the whole mission will change drastically. I would prefer if that didn't have to happen so make sure you stay in contact with Tom no matter what. If I do end up needing you, for whatever reason, to execute your mission I will make the signal as clear as possible. Likewise for the boarding signal if you feel a strong shock beforehand. If you don't hear anything from me and it appears that Tom has gotten away then I need you to act when you think the time is right."

He took a deep breath before saying, "Do you understand everything? Do you know what you have to do?"

"Yeah," I said back in one of those tough guy voices, "I got it."

"Good," Jake said back almost emotionlessly, "so start morphing. It's going to be a tough flight over to my family's house since the sun's almost gone and you need to get there as soon as possible."

"Tobias," Rachel called out sounding like she was on the verge of crying, "wait..."

This was one of the very few times that I actually took the initiative and immediately kissed Rachel. There were a million different things I wanted to say and there were probably a million different things she wanted to say as well, but our kiss summed everything up perfectly. And it was no ordinary kiss either. This kiss was the most intense kiss I'd ever given her. I was busy playing my tough guy roll and I wasn't about to let Rachel talk me out of it. I needed to be the one to do this just like I needed to be the one to get captured and have the demorphing ray tested on me. I was a perfect match for the job and everyone knew it. Besides, if I did end up dying this is how I wanted Rachel to remember me. I wanted her to know that I loved her enough to give my life for her. Under different circumstances I know that she would have done the same for me.

At first Rachel was kind of surprised by the sudden and slightly forceful kiss, but as she came to realize it might actually be our last kiss ever she kissed me back just as passionately. I wish we could've stayed like that forever but I knew I had to leave on my mission as soon as possible. As difficult as it was for me I slowly broke the kiss and moved my head away from Rachel as I began to morph.

Rachel wanted to say something more. I could see it in her face. But she just couldn't come up with what she wanted to say first. And before she really had a chance to think about it Jake interrupted the silence between everybody when he said, "We need to get into our bird morphs as well," to Rachel. "I need to get you a taxxon morph. I'll explain everything on the way. It'll be easier for you to replace Tobias than to get Ax involved in all of this too." Rachel painfully took her eyes away from me and gave Jake a nod as she began to morph as well.

Since I had a head start on them my morph was finished first. I seriously debated whether to say anything to Rachel or even Jake before I left, but I figured that in the end it would just be easier to leave without saying anything. I felt like if I let my true feelings show I would start to second guess my decision and then Jake wouldn't let me do it anymore. That was a risk I simply couldn't take. So once I was finished with my morph I opened up my wings and began to flap furiously for some altitude.

I didn't look back until I was a good distance away. By that point Rachel and Jake had finished morphing and had started flying in a perpendicular direction. I gave one last look at the both of them before focusing myself on the task at hand. I had a long hard flight ahead of me which I hoped would distract me from the slowly invading realization of what I had just agreed to do.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The flight was tough. Jake's house was quite a few miles away and there were no thermals anywhere to be found by this point. Both of my wings were on fire by the time his house came into view. But there was one thing positive about my flight. It kept my mind off of my mission. At least the later part of my mission.

The lights were turned on in Jake's house unlike most of the other houses. (All of the other people had either become controllers or had run for their lives). And with the faint light shining through the windows I could also see a single car in the driveway. It was Jake's parent's car, but that was back when they didn't have Yeerks in their heads. With all of the rank that Tom's Yeerk had it was probably his car now. And with any luck he was inside.

Getting inside myself wouldn't be a problem. I had done it numerous times before. Back when I first became trapped as a hawk Jake used to leave a portion of his dinner up in the attic for me to eat. Getting inside was a simple matter of knowing where a few loose shingles were. But once I was inside things would get tricky...

I swooped on down and landed next to where a former skylight had been on the roof. I lifted up the familiar loose shingles and quickly worked my way inside. The first thing I did after fluttering down to the floor was to listen with my powerful hawk ears. I tried to see if I could get a bearing on where Tom was in the house first and foremost. And after a bit of silence and adjustment I finally began to pick up on something.

"Why not use my hosts own home to rest for the night?" I heard Tom say faintly. "I'd do anything to get away from the official sleeping quarters and my host's house has everything my host will need. Much of the food is still safe to eat and there are comfortable accommodations to rest in as well. And my host also seems to have calmed down a bit after I arrived. His home gives him a secure feeling which makes him easier to control. It was all I could handle to keep control over him while I was talking to that Animorph scum before. I didn't realize it would be so easy to fool him."

_'Just wait and see who's going to be fooled',_ I said to myself while making sure not to yell out something that I didn't want to again.

"No," Tom said after a short pause, "there's no way they could be listening. They're all in some valley in the middle of the woods. Humans don't posses the technology to intercept even simple phone calls without having access to the line itself. And they've got more important things to do anyway. Or so they think. In the end it isn't going to matter. They'll all be dead and we'll be free from Visser One's idiotic rule. You can trust me on that."

There was another pause before Tom concluded with, "Everything will be revealed tomorrow. As for now my host and I need to get some rest." I then heard a faint electric -beep- before Tom began to move through the house.

He went up the stairs and made his way into what I figured was the bathroom. I heard him turn on some running water and I could definitely hear him brushing his teeth at one point. Once he was finished he turned off the water and went into what I soon discovered to be his bedroom. I heard the bouncy squeak as he sat down on his mattress and the shuffling of sheets as he snuggled in for the night.

I waited for a good fifteen minutes of relative silence after that before I even dared to move from my original landing position. But one I did I knew I had a very important and very difficult task ahead of me. I had to get close to Tom. I didn't think it would be necessary to stay directly on him while he slept, but I needed to be very close by so I could keep an eye on him. The second he got up I knew I needed to morph into something very small and find a good hiding place on him. And the only way I could do that was if I was in the same room as him.

But to get down to his room I needed a morph that was small and quiet. I had all night to make it down to Tom's room so it didn't necessarily have to be fast either. I thought about it for a second and finally decided on my roach morph. It was small, quiet, and naturally built for crawling through small spaces.

I morphed very slowly in order to minimize the noise I made. Once I was fully a roach I simply let my roach mind do what it does best in hopes of finding a crack or something in the wall. It didn't take long at all before I was crawling around in between the attic floor and the second floor's ceiling. The conditions were absolutely perfect for my roach morph so I had no trouble navigating through the tangle of wires, pipes, and insulation. Within a relatively short time I was able to pinpoint how to get to Tom's room thanks to the sounds that a sleeping human makes. Once I was above his room I began looking for a way to get inside.

After a bit of scouring I finally made my way down the inside of one of the walls and found a tiny crack in one of the corners. That's all I needed. I managed to squeeze through and then slowly fought my morph's urge to run to safety. I needed to do some reconnaissance before I decided on what to do next. Unfortunately a cockroach's antenna don't give all that clear a picture when there's nothing moving or no food to eat. I could make out the bed in the middle of the room with a nightstand next to it and that was about it. I was a little bit uneasy about my decision to do so, but the only place I could see as a plausible hiding place was underneath the bed so that's where I scampered off to.

Once I was there I realized just how empty it was underneath the bed. Tom, or more possibly Tom's Yeerk, seemed to be fairly clean and orderly. But I realized that was a good thing. If there was nothing under the bed that meant that Tom had no reason to look under the bed when he woke up. And after I convinced myself of that I began to morph agonizingly slowly so as not to make a sound. Tom was directly above me after all and I had no idea how deep of a sleep he was in. But after a few minutes I had returned to my normal form and I listened in to see if Tom had woken up. After a few long moments with just Tom's slow breathing and the occasional fabric shuffle I decided that he still must be sleeping (or he just hadn't heard me).

I breathed a sigh of relief since I had finally made it to my destination. But my mind quickly shifted to what my next course of action should be. I knew that no matter how much of a light sleeper I was I still couldn't allow myself to fall asleep. This entire mission depended on me not losing track of Tom and I couldn't risk sleeping through his departure. So I found myself a comfortable spot and settled in for a long and boring night.

It was dreadful. Absolutely dreadful. It was worse then I ever imagined it could be. I sat there for the entire night fighting off sleep while I had dark and quiet surroundings that were absolutely perfect for it. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But that wasn't even the worst part. With nothing to keep my mind occupied everything I had been trying to run from ever since my mission started began to flood into my head. I think I went through just about every emotion I could possibly think of. I was scared and worried about what tomorrow might bring and what I might have to do. I was sad that I might never see Rachel again, but I was happy that I could come to her rescue at least one last time. I was angry, at times incredibly angry, at Jake for putting me in this position, but I could also feel some compassion towards him and his situation. And I felt just about everything in between as well.

I also had time to run through many scenarios of what might happen throughout the next day. Everything from what I would do when Tom woke up to what morph I should use at the end replayed in my mind a thousand times over. I must have gone through every possible scenario there was about five times each just to make sure I knew what to do. I guess I had to do something to keep my mind from falling asleep, right?

After what literally felt like days of listening to Tom breathing and occasionally moving I finally heard the bed squeak loudly as Tom's feet hit the floor. I was so happy to see those feet that my mind kind of drew a blank for a moment. This was my chance to climb onto him and hitch a ride, but all I could do now was stand there and watch as his feet slowly moved out the door. Sitting under a bed for ten hours will do that to you I guess.

It was only after Tom left the room that I realized I had missed my chance. Being able to jump on Tom the moment he woke up was my first big challenge. I was supposed to be morphed and ready to go so the moment he woke up I could do it, but I was so tired from trying to stay awake all night that it was hard to convince myself to morph at all. So naturally by the time he woke up I simply wasn't ready and missed my chance. Now it was time for plan B.

Plan B dealt with Tom's car. If I couldn't get on him then getting inside or even on his car was the only other option. He had slept with the window open since it was a warm summer night so getting outside wouldn't be a problem. I just had to wait for the right moment to do it.

After listening to Tom go to the bathroom he came back into the room to rummage for some new clothes. It was almost like he was giving me a second chance. I began to morph into my fly morph, but as my bones began to dissolve and the remaining ones began to snap out of place I saw Tom instantly jump up and point his feet in my direction. I stopped dead in my tracks as he slowly began walking over towards me. I was still half hawk by this point so I wasn't exactly barely noticeable yet. If he looked under the bed he'd surely see me. But just as his feet reached the bed they suddenly turned and went around it. They eventually made their way over to the window before stopping. He looked through it for a while before slowly going back to rummaging through his closet.

It was only after he finally left the room again that I found the courage to demorph. Now that I had missed him a second time (and I wasn't going to wait around for another chance) I knew plan B would be the only way. Luckily for me Tom hadn't closed the window before he left. I waited until I heard the shower going before I crawled out from under the bed and fluttered up to the windowsill.

I could see Tom's car parked in the driveway perfectly and to my relief the car window was left open slightly. I jumped down from the windowsill (more out of habit than anything. There was no one around to see me morph unless Tom came dashing out of the shower) and once again began to morph into my fly morph. Once I was finished I buzzed directly up the wall (a fly doesn't have very good distance vision and I wanted to make sure I could still find the window) and flew out into the open air.

The first few moments after leaving Tom's room were a bit precarious since I was basically flying blind. I tried to rely on my flying experience to guide me but it was hard to stay in a straight line. Every little breeze felt like a tornado since I was so small and I really didn't have any clear indication on which direction I was heading after I got blown around. The sun helped me stay on course somewhat, but it wasn't until I finally ran into something large that I breathed a sigh of relief.

I thought it was Tom's car but I couldn't really tell initially. It was just so huge compared to my size that it seemed like it stretched out forever without much detail. All the colors along with my perception were different from my hawk's eyes so it was just hard to tell what I had really run into. All I knew is that I had to stay close to it or I might lose it.

As I "explored" my surroundings I eventually came in contact with something that felt like a force field to me. I could clearly see that there was nothing in front of me but every time I tried to go forward I would always run into something. This was exactly what I was looking for. There was only one thing it could be: glass. I decided to land and simply crawl along the glass until I could find the cracked driver's side window.

I went to the top edge of the glass and found that the window I was on didn't seem to have an opening. As soon as the top of the car ended there was glass covering the entire window. Not to be discouraged I crawled forward on the car and eventually came to an opening between the glass and the car body. I wasted no time in firing up my wings and diving right in. Once I was inside I landed comfortably on the driver's seat and began to think out my next move.

Now the tricky part. Where was I going to hide? I knew it had to be somewhere that Tom wouldn't possibly look. If he saw me he'd no doubt try and swat me. And if he missed and I escaped he would very likely start to get paranoid about Animorphs trying to follow him. That's the last thing I needed. And if he hit me... well, then it was game over for me.

But I also needed to be somewhere which allowed me easy access to Tom so I could jump onto him. I couldn't risk trying to fly to him from across the car or else he might hear me and the whole swatting thing might happen. It was then that I came up with the perfect hiding place. Right beside the pedals. There's no way Tom would look down there. His feet and legs would be very close so I could easily jump onto them. And with my fly reflexes it would be easy avoid Tom's crushing feet as he drove. So I fired up my wings again for the short journey down to the floorboard and hid myself safely up on the side of the pedal area. I didn't have to wait all that long before I felt the car rock a bit and saw two gigantic shoes pop out of no where and slam into the pedals.

I waited until the car started rolling and Tom got into a leisurely rhythm before I jumped onto his leg. I wasn't in any great hurry since his legs weren't going anywhere incredibly soon. But then I had to decide where to position myself to be the most discreet. Even though it was pretty warm out today Tom had decided to wear a pair of jeans which allowed me to crawl over his entire leg without attracting a whole lot of attention. I had run through this scenario a few times during the night and I decided that being down low on the back of his leg would be the most inconspicuous spot, and it had the least chance of getting squished. I maneuvered myself into position and simply waited.

Eventually I could feel the car shut off and Tom step out of it. I held on tight as Tom began to walk (a very weird experience let me assure you. One moment you're stopped and the next moment you're hurtling through the air at a million miles per hour). I couldn't really tell where he went or what he did during the time I was hanging on. First of all I didn't have a very good view of my surroundings from my position and second of all I couldn't really make out what anyone around me was saying. I could feel their vibrations when they spoke but my fly senses simply weren't good enough to pick up specific words. I was simply along for the ride until I heard a very familiar voice inside my head.

I was completely surprised when I heard Jake say, _Tobias, are you there?_

I took a moment to regain myself before responding. _Yeah, I'm here,_ I said back. I'm not really sure how it came out though. With everything that had gone on in my head overnight I would be incredibly shocked if it didn't sound at least a little bit angry and probably a bit tired, but Jake never gave me any indication of anything.

Instead he kept the same exact tone as he said, _Okay, good._

There was so much I wanted to say to him at that moment. All I did throughout the night was think about what I wanted to say to him. But when the time came I couldn't think of a single thing to say. It was like my mind completely went blank and I couldn't remember anything. And by the time I remembered at least the most important part of it Tom was already busy walking away somewhere. But I still had a small amount of hope that Jake would still be in range so I decided to try anyway. _If I don't come back_, I said with metaphorical tears rolling down my cheeks, _tell Rachel that I love her._

I didn't hear any response. Either Jake hadn't heard me or he just didn't acknowledge that he heard me. But either way I knew there was no turning back now. As much as I wanted to jump off Tom at this point and completely forget about Jake's plan (something I had thought about a lot during the night) I just couldn't do it. The main reason was because I had no idea where I was. If I jumped off now I could become trapped somewhere I didn't want to be. But there was also the small factor of following Jake's orders simply because he gave them to me. I mean, I'd been following his orders for more than three straight years. A feat like that has a funny way of changing you. Even though I thought this whole 'kill Tom' mission was a horrible idea I still couldn't just abandon it like that. There were other times that I thought Jake had made a wrong decision but it always seemed to work out in the end. Maybe that would happen this time as well. Jake had trusted me to do this just like he trusted Rachel to do it and I couldn't prove him wrong. In order to save Rachel's life I had promised to do whatever Jake asked and I wasn't going to go back on that promise. I strapped myself in and got ready to hear a sign, any sign, from Jake once again.

The next hour or so was pretty uneventful. Tom did some walking here and there but for the last half an hour or so he'd been basically standing in the same position. Since I was getting low on time left in my morph I took this as the opportunity to jump off and demorph.

I tried to survey the surroundings first but my fly morph simply didn't have the distance vision to do so. I could hear that there was quite a bit of commotion going on around me so that both worried and reassured me. It was good because then the sounds of my morphing would be muffled but it was bad because there were more people to hide from. After a while I finally decided to risk it and jump off. I was getting very low on time and I simply needed a place to morph.

I stayed low to the ground as I buzzed along trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible. I was looking for a dark and somewhat large place to morph and lucky for me my fly morph could easily distinguish between light and dark areas. I quickly spotted a long dark area close to the ground and decided that I would attempt to morph there.

As I flew into it I noticed that it was quite a bit larger than I had previously thought. Eventually I ran into a smooth wall on the back of the large dark space and began to decrease my wing speed so I would fall to the floor. Once my legs touched the metal floor I slowly began to morph.

I was very tentative at first because I had no idea where exactly I was and if anyone could see me. I focused intensely on my hawk eyes as I morphed so that they'd be one of the first things to come back (it's a little trick I've picked up over years of morphing. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't). I was about the size of a giant rat when my hawk eye/brain combo started to work.

As I looked out into the light I could see legs and that was about it. There were two pairs of human legs, one close (Tom) and one farther away, and a pair of Hork-Bajir legs about half way between them. I looked up to see a long metal plate above me as well as plates below and behind me. I only had a short time to look around but I figured I was underneath the main control panel which stretched all around the ship I happened to be on (most likely the Blade Ship). Somewhat confident that no one could see me I finished demorphing and quickly began to morph once again. This would be the ideal place to morph into my battle morph if the need arose so I made a quick mental note of how to get back here before flying back onto Tom. I waited about another half an hour before I finally received the long awaited second message from Jake. And it wasn't what I wanted to hear...

I couldn't tell whether I actually heard it from my surroundings or whether Jake was trying to contact me in a weak thought-speak voice, but I clearly heard him say, _"Tobias, it's time."_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

At first I really didn't know what to make of what Jake said. _'It's time for what?' _I thought to myself. But after the initial shock of hearing Jake's voice once again wore off I realized something. Whether they were coming in to rescue me or I had to do this by myself the first step was the same. Once I realized that I quickly jumped off Tom and made my way back under the control panel.

I flew in there as fast as I could and simply let myself bounce off the back wall. It didn't even hurt because I was so small. I just needed to get into position as quick as possible so I could begin morphing as quick as possible. And as soon as I felt myself falling to the floor I began to demorph.

It wasn't until I was mostly hawk once again that I realized the truth. I hadn't felt any explosions or anything on the ship and everything still seemed to have power. But the biggest tell-tail sign of all was what I heard the crew say. Once my hawk ear/brain combination began to work all I could hear around me was people shouting to charge this weapon or that weapon and how long it would be until they were ready to fire. It was then that the cold hard truth finally hit me. Jake hadn't been able to disable the Blade Ship. In fact they were going to start firing back at him and everyone else on the pool ship. And I was the only one who could stop them. I was the only one who could save The Animorphs. I was the only one who could save Rachel... With a new found vigor I began to morph as quickly as I could.

I had done a lot of thinking about what the best morph to use would be ever since I started out on my mission. I didn't have all that many big and powerful morphs. And the ones I did have I barely had any experience with. There was only one that I thought I had any chance with. After my hawk and human forms it was probably the form in which I spent the most time in and around. And I was going to need all the help that I could get in a few short moments. Plus it was deadly enough, although not intentionally, to do some real damage if I was quick. I closed my hawk eyes and focused intently on Ket Halpak as I felt the changes sweep through my body.

Everything was going fine until I hit about the 75% finished mark. I had been growing in size tremendously fast and the large cavity underneath the control panel seemed to be getting smaller and smaller all the time. I had managed to keep myself hidden fairly well, but all of a sudden I heard someone yell out, "Hey, whose tail is that?"

The entire ship instantly got quiet as I quickly spun my head around. And to my horror I saw the spiky tip of my tail protruding from the dark safety underneath the control panel out into the bright light of the room. I quickly pulled it back in but it was far too late. My cover was blown.

I could feel the adrenaline (or whatever hormone Hork-Bajir have to speed up their body) begin to flow as I quickly spun my head around to look back at my main target. Much to my surprise I saw his knees bend slightly and all of a sudden I saw his head pop into view. He couldn't resist taking a look at what was going on underneath the control panel himself. Little did he know that his head would come within six inches or so of my own. There I was face to face with my mission objective. As our eyes met I could instantly see the fear sweep over Tom. He knew instantly who I was (well, maybe not personally, but he knew I was one of The Animorphs) and what I was there to do.

We were both quite shocked to see each other, but I knew that I had to act quick if I still wanted to have the element of 'surprise'. I quickly took my mostly formed arm and cocked it back before letting loose with something resembling a punch. I wasn't trying to punch Tom though. I had a much easier way of dealing with him that just so happened to involve that sharp blade attached to my wrist.

As I began to accelerate my arm towards him he instinctively pulled his head back up and out of my range. Too bad I wasn't aiming for his head. I continued my "punch" past where his head used to be and ultimately began to sink my wrist blade into his leg.

Time instantly slowed to a crawl as I felt my wrist blade begin to slice through Tom's shin. The next second or two in my life felt like it took an entire day. My incredibly sharp wrist blade slowly cut through Tom's skin and muscle like there was nothing there leaving only a slowly growing red line to signify that it ever passed through at all. The bone didn't even slow down my punch all that much. There was a slight resistance as I either cut through or shattered his tibia and fibula, but it wasn't near enough to stop me. And the skin and muscle on the other side of the bone was barely even noticeable as I quickly finished my slice through his leg. Luckily I had plenty of momentum to go through the other one as well which just so happened to be conveniently lined up with the first one.

I sliced through the second leg almost as easily as I had sliced through the first before finally reaching the end of my 'punch'. As I slowly began to bring my arm back towards me I took a moment to admire my work. Both of Tom's shins had a somewhat thin red ring around their circumference where my blade went through, but otherwise Tom's legs still looked attached. It took some time before I could finally see the first leg I cut through begin to slide apart ever so slightly. But once everything got started it sped up exponentially. Tom's foot stayed relatively in place while the rest of his body slowly began to lose it's balance and fall. The still somewhat clean slash wound began to spew blood in all directions once it slowly began to separate. And as Tom began to fall backwards both of his legs flew up into the air and pumped a few generous squirts of blood all over the floor and the control panel.

From the moment I saw Tom begin to fall I quickly hatched a plan to take him out once and for all. I had given him a crippling injury, but if he acted quickly a morph would save his life. I couldn't risk letting that happen. So as quickly as I could I stretched out my other arm into the room with my wrist blade facing up. As I slowly saw Tom's butt and a moment later Tom's back and head come into view I adjusted my arm and thrust it upwards as hard as I could. My target: Tom's neck. It was the only instant way to kill him, or at least knock him unconscious until he died.

Cutting through someone's neck feels somewhat like cutting through a shin but with less flesh before hitting bone. Tom's falling speed under the artificial gravity of the ship probably would have been more than enough to do the job on it's own, but I wanted to be sure. My wrist blade sliced through his neck in one clean slice and continued on it's journey upward before finally lodging itself quite deeply into the metal control panel above me.

Unlike Tom's shins however this wasn't very clean of a cut. As soon as his head was separated from his body they began falling at slightly different speeds. In a vain attempt to keep his body functioning his heart kept trying to pump blood into his head, but without a head to pump it into it squirted quite vigorously across the room. His body, after taking what seemed like an entire hour to fall down, eventually landed with a splash in a small pool of blood while his head bounced off the floor a few times before rolling out of my field of vision. I had done it. Tom was dead.

Killing Tom was the easiest part of my mission though. I had caught him fully off guard and I struck before he had a chance to prepare himself. Now I had to deal with the rest of the crew who already knew what was going on and had me greatly outnumbered.

To try and establish an intimidating presence I quickly rolled out from under the control panel, getting Tom's blood smeared all over my body in the process, and quickly jumped to my feet. It was then that the crew first laid eyes on me and it was then I realized just how many of them there really were. My view of the ship while under the control panel had been greatly reduced by another control panel situated in the center of the room. That's why at first I could only see one other human and one Hork-Bajir. But now that I had a clear view of the entire room I realized just how hard of a fight this was going to be. I didn't really count them all individually but there was another Hork-Bajir at the rear of the ship while about half a dozen humans made up the rest of the crew. And the moment I popped up from underneath the control panel everyone, including me, just froze.

I knew that if I wanted to have any chance of coming out of there alive I needed to start chopping off some heads quickly. The best fighter in the universe couldn't take on two Hork-Bajir along with half a dozen of Earth's most powerful animals at the same time. But... I just froze. I could only stare around the room at all of the frightened and shocked people who were in turn staring back at me the same way. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind there was a little voice that kept saying maybe they'd all surrender to save their lives after seeing what happened to their leader. But these were Yeerks I was dealing with. And not only that, these were the most brutal Yeerks who planned to overthrow Visser One and take control over Earth. They weren't going to give up just because a small female Hork-Bajir killed their leader. Despite the blood spread over my body I doubt they saw me as much of a threat. And, after a moment of silence aboard the ship as everyone figured out what to do, they started their attack.

When I say 'they' I really mean the biggest and nastiest Hork-Bajir I've ever seen. All of a sudden the silence in the room was broken as he let out some sort of cry and began to charge at me. I take a quick look around the ship to weigh my options before deciding to hold my ground and fight. I could've probably taken out a human or two next to me before he reached me, but then I wouldn't be ready for him when he reached me. And judging by the blue band around his arm he wouldn't need more than one good shot to finish me off. Rather than trying to run away from him I figured I was better off focusing on defending his first onslaught... not that either option really appealed to me.

So I changed my stance up a bit to something a bit more 'springy', brought my arms up to the ready, and waited for him to reach me. With some of his focus going towards making it over to me his first lunge was somewhat easy to dodge. He managed to catch me a bit with his rear arm blades though as he slid to a stop through the spilled blood on the floor. I managed to get a grazing blow to his side as he spun around, but after he got into position he quickly turned a whirlwind of blades. I managed to block and dodge most of them since I was smaller and quicker, but he still managed to get a few good slashes in on me. But as he slipped a little bit in the spilled blood I took the opportunity to throw a few blades his way. I missed most of them and he pretty much blocked the rest except for a few more grazing blows that I somehow connected with. Right away I knew that this fight wasn't looking good for me and things were just about to get a whole lot worse.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a brownish blur that seemed to be moving. Taking a quick look (and receiving a nice slash to my thigh for my trouble) I saw that the other Hork-Bajir on board had decided to join in on the fight as well. He was racing at full speed towards me with his blades primed and ready to go. But lucky for me he didn't seem to be quite as good at fighting as the one I was currently dealing with.

His big charge culminated with me taking a step back which made him miss me entirely. Well, not entirely I guess. At the last second I whipped my tail around in front of me and made contact with his shins. Along with the blood-slicked floor it was enough to send him hurtling head first into the control panel.

While that Hork-Bajir was busy trying to recover from his hard head impact I focused my attention on the big one right in front of me. I managed to get a few more decent slashes into his flesh, but he easily tripled my slash and damage count. And things really started looking bad when he gave me a deep and painful slash right through the left side of my face.

I was hurt bad and he knew it. I stumbled backwards and quickly threw both my hands up to inspect what was still there. There wasn't much. He had spared my brain, at least I think he did, but most of my flesh had been stripped off down to the bone. Hell, even some of that was gone too. And the worst part was that my left eye was rendered completely useless. I wasn't sure what exactly happened to it, but I could feel it dangling by the optic nerve while a large chunk of flesh slowly peeled off my face and fell down to the floor.

I guess it was at that point that the blue-banded Hork-Bajir figured he had the fight won and took some time to "gloat". He stopped his assault of blades and simply waited for me to make the next move. I also guess it was at that point that my survival instinct really kicked in. I felt a surge of energy and anger which dulled out the pain before I lunged back at him in my own whirl of blades.

It was kind of hard to aim correctly with one eye since I had no depth perception, but nevertheless I still managed to give him a few good slices to the arms, head, and body. He wasn't ready for my newfound surge and simply went into defense mode while I slowly whittled away at him. If things continued to go that way I might have been able to get in a killing blow somewhat quickly, but the other Hork-Bajir chose that time to come to the rescue.

I didn't even see him get up. All I felt was a long slash make it's way down my back as I screamed out in pain. This was just what the blue-banded Hork-Bajir needed and he jumped at the chance to attack me again. And now, with both of them attacking me at one, things really began to look bleak. They slashed at me faster than my brain could comprehend from two different directions. Even if I got into position to block one of them the other would slash at my back and make me lose my concentration... which led to me getting slashed by the one in front of me as well.

And the deluge of slashes continued on, some of them quite serious, with only one almost unavoidable outcome. I was going to die. I was going to die bloody, broken, and if they had their way slowly. But even though I had expected as much when I accepted the mission I still wasn't ready to give up just yet. In a move of desperation I quickly flicked my tail up and into the way of the blade storm going on behind me. I was expecting it to get chopped off before I ever made contact with anything, but to my surprise I felt the spikes on the end connect with something and insert themselves fully into it. It was only a split second later that I heard the smaller Hork-Bajir fall down to the ground behind me. I took the chance to jump over him and get both Hork-Bajir on one side of me, but I quickly realized that it wasn't necessary. My tail had connected with the smaller Hork-Bajir's head and my spikes were almost certainly embedded all the way through it's brain. It wasn't getting back up.

The blue-banded Hork-Bajir couldn't have cared less however. He had let the momentum swing away from him once and he wasn't going to let it happen again. He quickly closed up the distance between us and began slashing at me furiously.

Still somewhat amazed at my recent success I decided to try the same move again hoping that the blue-banded Hork-Bajir wouldn't be expecting it. With a powerful whip of my tail I drew the blades out of the smaller Hork-Bajir's head and sent my tail flying towards the blue-band's head. Unfortunately he was more than ready for it. All he had to do to stop me was get elbow blade into the right position, and he wasted no time in doing so. My whole body was fully committed to hitting him in his head so there was no way I could stop either. All I could do was watch as my tail was slowly sliced through by it's own momentum.

A small gush of blood shot out of the severed end of my tail as the spiky tip went soaring through the air and landed somewhere across the ship. I let out a howl of pain as I quickly withdrew my tail back behind me. The blue-band Hork Bajir didn't give me a chance to deal with what had just happened either. Almost instantly he became a fury of blades once more and I was forced to go on the defensive yet again.

After a few more moments of fighting we both began to get severely tired. Hand-to-hand combat is extremely tiring and we'd been going at it for quite a few minutes at this point. His fury of blades had slowed to an occasional tired slash and I barely had the energy to move at all. And on top of not having any energy left I was also starting to become a bit woozy from the major loss of blood. Both of us knew that the fight was almost over and the momentum definitely wasn't swinging my way.

At this point the Hork-Bajir started to get a bit cocky once again (or maybe he was just too tired to make it looked like he cared anymore). I knew that he could probably end the fight whenever he wanted to, but due to my severely weakened state he figured he'd have some fun with me first. He slowly took a large step backwards before catching his breath and rocketing his wrist blade straight at my shoulder. I managed to deflect the blow slightly, but nevertheless it made contact and sunk almost all the way through my shoulder shattering my joint in the process. The only thing that kept my arm attached were a few muscle fibers and some skin.

I let out a weak cry of pain before he let out a sort of 'laugh' and leaned back for another hit. This time his slash was aimed at my hip. I didn't even bother blocking that blow. I had another idea. One last idea...

He thought I was down. He thought I was done. He thought that all the fight had left me. Well, he was wrong. As soon as he connected with his shot to my hip I quickly twisted my own (still working) wrist blade up and thrust it at his stomach. My blade entered his defenseless stomach on the lower right side and I quickly continued my slice upwards through his chest until I reached his right shoulder.

Almost instantly his face began to show a great pained expression and his body froze. I wasn't sure what I hit exactly, but I knew it had to be terminal. After standing there in shock for what seemed like an hour, as time slowed down once again, he slowly began to teeter and fall backwards. He landed in a pool of blood with a sickening splash and he made no effort to get back up. His breathing began to slow and very quickly it stopped all together. I had done it. I had killed off both Hork-Bajirs.

But I had paid the price for it. Half of my face and one of my eyes were completely gone. One of my arms was simply hanging on by a few muscle fibers. My arms themselves, especially right around the blades, were stripped down to the bone from all the nearly missed blocks I had thrown. The end of my tail had been completely removed leaving only a bloody stump in it's place. The blue-band's last hit had done quite a bit of damage to my hip as well. So much so that it hurt to put any pressure it on. And to top it all off I had literally hundreds of gaping slash wounds all across my body. I had also lost so much blood that I was barely able to focus on anything at all.

After watching the blue-band fall and stop breathing I just sort of stood there for a moment. I wasn't exactly sure what to do next. The smartest thing to do would've been to demorph, but I had lost so much blood that I really wasn't thinking straight. The next thing I remember doing is looking up at the gigantic projection above the control panel that I had hid under and seeing something that I didn't expect to see. I had an audience.

Everyone was there: Jake, Marco, Cassie, Ax... Rachel... heck, even Visser One was standing there and watching me intently. I can kind of remember trying to give them all a smile (quite hard to do in a Hork-Bajir morph) before turning towards the back of the ship. Here I was met with a zoo full of Earth fiercest animals. Everything from bears to buffalo to lions were there simply watching me just as intently as the other Animorphs were. With my dramatic loss of blood I was a bit confused about what was going on, but I guess I'd forgotten about the rest of the crew while I was busy fighting off those two Hork-Bajir. I had given them plenty of time to morph and that's exactly what they did. Now, instead of having to fight only two Hork-Bajir I was up against an entire army of the best Earth had to offer. There was no way I could hope to survive against those odds.

As I continued to stand there somewhat dazed and confused the adrenaline (or whatever it was) slowly began to loosen it's grip over me and I began to feel intense pain all over my body. It was like my entire body was on fire and there was nothing I could do to put it out. Even breathing hurt so much that I didn't know how much longer I could continue to do it. Eventually the pain in my hip even made simply standing impossible as I wobbled and fell down to my knees. Every rational piece of my brain was telling me to demorph, but the rational part of my brain wasn't in control. And besides, if I did try and demorph I don't think the crew would've let me get very far after seeing what I did to their leader and friends. All I could do was kneel there on the floor and hope for a miracle. Unfortunately I had already used up all my miracles...

It was the polar bear who eventually made the first move. He cautiously trotted over to me, but once he was within striking distance he looked me in the eye and said, _You've fought well brave human. _The last thing I remember was seeing his paw hurtling through the air towards my head.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

My name is Rachel. I was laying on my bed and staring up at the ceiling just like I had been for a while now. It's been a rough couple of months for me.

It all started back about four months ago when I watch Tobias' head get crushed in by a polar bear. And as I watched him crumple lifelessly to the floor all sorts of emotions started creeping into my tired mind. Not only had I just watched my boyfriend, the person I cared about more than anyone else, get brutally attacked and killed, but I couldn't help realize that it should've been me. I was the one that Jake had originally chosen, and if Tobias hadn't interfered it would've been my brains which were leaking onto the Blade Ship's floor. He had sacrificed himself for me. He had saved my life one final time and there was nothing I could do to repay him. And besides that I missed him already...

I tried to hold everything in, but shortly after watching it all happen I ran out of the room with tears in my eyes. I didn't want everyone to see me crying, but I also couldn't stand to stay in that room with Tobias' corpse lying there on the gigantic screen.

I cried off in some hallway for quite a while before Cassie finally came and sat down next to me. I wasn't in the mood to deal with her at that moment and I kindly (well, kindly by my definition under the circumstances anyway) asked her to leave. She persisted for a while before she realized that she couldn't get anywhere now and eventually left me alone. The next time I saw anyone was when Ax came to tell me that we had landed and were exiting the ship.

Once I stepped out of the ship I kind of pulled myself together and put on my tough face once again. And good thing too because we were soon attacked by reporters and some Yeerk controllers who weren't ready to give up just yet. Luckily we had a few Andalites along with their ships to take care of both problems for us initially, but eventually the reporters made it back over to us (the controllers weren't quite as lucky...)

I faired pretty well the next few days to be honest. The hustle and bustle that goes on after suddenly ending a war like we did allowed my mind to keep moving forward and not reflect too much on the past. Even when we did interviews (and we did A LOT of interviews) it didn't really bother me too much. Whenever a question about Tobias came up and I was around I said I didn't want to talk about it and they always moved on to something else. That was, until we got our big interview...

All five of us had been scheduled to do a major week long interview on _Larry King Live_ and we all had been informed that there would be some tough questions asked. Why did I agree then? I don't know. At the time it just seemed like another interview that everyone said needed to be done. And since everyone else was going I figured that I should as well.

The interview was shot over five days for at least a few hours a day. All of us, including Ax, sat around Larry King's table as he asked us both individual and group questions. He kept the topics somewhat light for the first day or two, stuff we'd been asked hundreds of times before, but as the interview rolled to a close the questions got harder and harder to answer. And by day five it was finally my turn to face the music.

He opened with a general question that went something like, "Tell me about Tobias. What was he like? How did he work?" Then, one at a time, each of us weighed in on what we though about him. Finally it came time for me to answer. And since we'd been talking with Larry about our deepest and darkest secrets for a whole week it seemed like I could say almost anything to him at that point. It was then I decided that it was time to stop running from what happened and finally face up to it.

I told Larry how close Tobias and I had been. I told him what I really admired about Tobias' personality and what I thought about his behavior. I told him a few stories of how he saved mine and how I saved his. And I finally told him how he'd given his life for me in the end.

I was doing good up until the last part. It was then that I started to get a bit teary, but I struggled hard to hold it back. It had been a relief to finally get some feelings about Tobias off my chest, but I just wasn't ready to talk about what happened on that final mission yet.

But Larry, being the experienced interview that he is, wasn't going to leave it at what I said. Up until now the public hadn't know that Tobias had been substituted in order to save me and Larry wanted to get the full story. He asked me to go over what happened that night, but I was reluctant at first. Knowing how to get what he wanted out of someone he began poking around the edges with questions like, "How do you feel about him doing that for you?" and "What was it like watching him killed in front of your eyes?" Eventually I just couldn't take it anymore and I broke down crying right on national live TV with just about everyone in the world watching me. So much for my tough girl image...

Lucky for me they decided to go to a commercial break shortly after and I got a chance to get off the set. It took up until the next commercial break for them to convince me to get back on the set and I only did it because Cassie persuaded me to. She came up to me back stage during the next commercial break and said that this was the time to tell everyone the story behind what Tobias had done. He should be remembered for what he'd done and not simply lost to history as the Animorph that hadn't survived.

She was right. Up until now Tobias had been called the brave Animorph for standing up to an entire crew but that was about it. He managed to kill Tom and a few of his friends, but, as the media saw it, he failed in his mission to stop the Blade Ship from escaping and only played a minor roll in the final mission... and for that matter the entire war. I was going to change all that. He deserved to be treated much better than that.

So after coming back out on stage Larry once again began firing the important questions at me. But this time, instead of running from them like I had been doing for the past week, I answered each and every one while trying to add as much to the discussion as I could. Did I cry? Sure I did, but it didn't really matter to me anymore. I needed to get everything out and that's what I did.

The next few days my tearful face was plastered all over the news with all sorts of new details about Tobias' life being read off. People finally began to hear about the true Tobias. He didn't just fly above us on every mission and watch peacefully from the sky like everyone thought. He was just as much of a fighter as any of us and he should be remembered as one. I guess on the grand scale of things it wasn't all that important to the public, but it was the least I could do for him after what he'd done for me. It's kind of sad that I had to do it in the first place, but at least now they knew.

After a week or so the "shocking revelations" seen on _Larry King Live_ began to fade into the public's memory and interest shifted to the reconstruction of our city and learning what we could from the Andalites. The reporters slowly began to stop camping around my house and eventually we could see our lawn once again. It seemed like everyone was starting to move on to bigger and better things... everyone except me.

Getting my thoughts and feelings about Tobias out there was a big relief to me, but now I just kind of felt... empty. I had so much free time now that the war was over, something I hadn't had for years, that I simply didn't know what to do with myself. Since the school was demolished they decided to cancel school for the rest of the year. In any other circumstances I'd be thrilled but right now I needed something to occupy me. I didn't have to worry about going off in the middle of the night to fight fierce battles with the Yeerks anymore either. Those two things had taken all of my time the past three years or so. Now all I felt motivated to do was to stare up at the ceiling and feel empty.

I didn't even know why I felt empty to be honest. I just felt like I didn't have a purpose for being around anymore. I felt like I had accomplished what I was born to do, and now that it was over it was my time to go. Tobias was gone and the war was over; what was left for me to do now?

I thought about it deeply for another week or two before it really started to get bad. That's when I first thought about committing suicide. I began to think how nice it would be to end it all and stop feeling so empty all the time. Things had to be better afterwards, right? I mean, I couldn't imagine them getting much worse. And who knows, maybe I'd meet Tobias somewhere and we could live happily ever after.

They were only thoughts at first, but as I had more time to develop them they began to get more refined. After a short time thinking about it I finally came up with a good way to do it. Overdosing on pills seemed like a weak and pathetic way to go so that was out. I considered hanging myself for a while but then I started to want something a bit more... flashy. Jumping off a tall building seemed like a good idea but most of the tall buildings around me had been destroyed in the war. Besides, there was no way I could get the inevitable crowd of people that would form around me in a public place let me jump. But then I came up with what I thought was the perfect idea. I would slit my wrists and slowly die from lack of blood. It was flashy enough to get everyone's attention yet easy enough to do in my own home. And it's not like I hadn't been close to dying that way many times anyway. This time I would just let it happen instead of morphing out of it.

Again, these were just thoughts that ran through my mind as I stared up at the ceiling. But before long those thoughts started to become a reality and I slowly came up with the details of how I'd do it. I even decided to take a "test run" to see if everything would work once I had it all figured out. My plan was incredibly simple. I'd smash open a plastic disposable razor and take out the blades. Then I'd sit in the bathtub and do a few test cuts to see how much blood would come out and just how badly it would hurt.

So after waiting for my mom to go to work and my sisters to get preoccupied with something I easily smashed open a razor and made my way to the bathroom with the blade. Since I was only testing it out I decided to strip off all my clothes (so I wouldn't get them all bloody and spoil the "surprise" for everyone) before taking a seat in the tub. So there I sat; naked and holding a razor blade in my left hand. It took me a second to build up the courage to do it, but eventually I placed the blade along my upper arm, pushed it in, and began to drag it across my skin.

It hurt. I've felt worse, but it still definitely hurt. But then, after I had stopped and pulled the razor blade out, I began to feel... such an adrenaline rush! The pleasure my body gave me for stopping the cut mixed with the adrenaline rush due to my sudden injury and, for the first time in a month or two, I felt... alive! So alive! I felt like I had tremendous power once again! I felt like I could take on the entire world just as it seemed I had done over the past few years. But all I really wanted to do was sit there in my "afterglow" I guess you could call it and watch as my blood slowly began to drip down my arm and onto the bathtub floor.

I hadn't felt this way since the war ended. And you know what? I think that this was one of the reasons I felt empty. You can call me crazy or say whatever you want to say about me, but being a warrior was forever ingrained into my psyche now and I wanted... no... NEEDED to feel the pain of receiving an injury and the pleasure of giving one. It was as if something suddenly turned on inside me and said, 'Yes, this is what you've been missing from your life ever since the war ended. This is why you've been feeling so empty.' It didn't fully fill my emptiness, but at this point even some slight relief seemed gigantic.

I didn't stop there however. As soon as that rush began to fade I quickly made another incision a bit lower on my arm and watched the blood begin to flow out once again. This went on for some time with me cutting into various parts of my body just to see what it felt like. But eventually I wanted to feel something that I hadn't felt in a long time. I wanted to feel the life slowly begin to drain out of me along with my blood. I wanted to feel that power over myself. I wanted to know that if I wanted to kill something or someone I could. So I aimed the razor blade at the artery in my wrist and gave it a quick slash.

Pain, followed by a sudden rush of pleasure, and then a slightly woozy feeling as the blood gushed out of my wrist.

As I sat there mesmerized by everything I was experiencing I could feel my life slowly slipping away just as I had wanted. But then, right before my body was finally ready to give up the fight and shut down, I began to morph. Why? I don't really know to be honest. I guess that when it came down to it I wasn't ready to go quite yet. I had just found something that I enjoyed - something that gave me a reason to keep on living – so I finally decided to do the sensible thing and morph before it was too late.

As my body began to grow and change I could feel the life start to flow into me once again. And since all my wounds were begin to close up there was no way for it to escape anymore either. But I was okay with that... for now. I had gotten my rush and I was satisfied... until the next time I wanted to feel that I had control over my life. But there was one small problem. Not really caring what I morphed into I picked the first thing that came to mind... which just so happened to be my battle morph, a grizzly bear. With my rapidly growing size the bath tub was starting to get a little small. At around eighty percent grizzly I had to stop and begin demorphing again, but all of my serious cuts had healed by this point. After a few more moments I was me again and it was like nothing had happened. I loved having the power to morph.

The tub however told a different story with it's copious blood stains, many of which were still sticky. So after I took a few moments to get myself back together after everything that happened I slowly stood up and turned on the shower. It was the perfect cover for both the time spent in the bathroom and what I had done in the bathtub. No one would ever know.

That is if I was smart about it in the future... which I wasn't. That wasn't the last time I drew blood out of myself. Not by a long shot. I averaged about one session per day for about two weeks or so. But the crazy thing is that the sessions always seemed to brighten up my mood... at least a little bit. Part of my emptiness was filled and I began to feel a bit more like I used to feel. It was far from perfect, but it was enough to get me to start caring about things once again. After every session was over and everything was cleaned up I usually devoted some time to checking in on what my friends were doing and what was going on in the world. It didn't last forever though and in a few hours I was back to staring at the ceiling once again.

Even though there were some positives from my sessions there were also some very drastic negatives. I began to get very dependent on my sessions just to make it through the day and they began to get worse and worse. The more I did them the more reckless I became. And not just with what I did to my body (although I had come dangerously close to actually dying a few times... like, I felt my heart stop beating once) but also with my entire regiment. After about a week and a half I no longer hid what I was doing very well. I began to leave broken disposable razor pieces all over my room along with my used and bloodied razor blades. Anyone who walked in could see them. Heck, I even became less careful with my clothing which started to show quite a few blood stains. But none of those blew my cover in the end. It was something far more stupid.

In my rush to get my... well, rush one day I scampered on into the bathroom and somehow forgot to lock the door. So there I was doing my thing in the bathtub like usual and all of a sudden I hear someone walk up to the door and turn the handle. Having already lost quite a bit of blood I wasn't exactly in the most alert state I'd ever been in, but it was already too late to do anything anyway by that point. I just sat in the bathtub quietly being only halfway covered by the shower curtain as my mom opened the door and started to walk in. She took a few steps into the room before she finally saw me and said, "Oh, Rachel, I'm sorry. I didn't know..." And then her voice trailed off as she saw what I was really doing.

She cupped her hands over her mouth and turned a very pale shade of white. We both simply remained in our positions for what seemed like forever until my mom finally said, "Rachel, what are you doing?"

"It's nothing mom," I said back in a sort of lethargic voice, "I'm fine." And then I began to morph.

It was only after I finished demorphing from my bald eagle form that the silence was broken again. "See," I said in a somewhat annoyed voice, "I'm fine."

My mom had composed herself as I morphed and she quickly said, "Get dressed. We're going to see the doctor."

"Mom," I said back angrily, "don't you know anything about morphing? I'm perfectly fine!"

"GET! DRESSED!" my mom yelled in one of those voices that means 'do what I say or else'.

I let loose a frustrated chuckle before saying, "All right, but they're going to take one look at me and send me home."

My mom said nothing, but she kept the aggressive look on her face as I climbed out of the tub and put my clothes on. Then, without even giving me some time to look at myself in the mirror she grabbed a hold of my wrist and dragged me through the house and out the door, only stopping to pick up her keys. I only got angrier at her as she threw me into the passenger's seat and got in herself.

The car ride was silent except for a phone call my mom made while driving. She somehow scheduled an emergency appointment with the hospital that took place in fifteen minutes (I guess it's hard to say no to a lawyer when they really want something). The entire trip I had been thinking how funny it was going to be to have the doctor take a look at me and say that there was nothing wrong. But when we turned off the interstate early I began to wonder where we were going. Both my personal doctor and the hospital were further away so I really didn't have any idea what was going on. And things only got weirder when my mom parked the car outside some random building and told me to get out.

She lead me up two flights of stairs before we finally made it into what looked like a waiting room that was basically empty. My mom rushed up to the receptionist and said, "Thank you for seeing us on such short notice. We have a bit of an emergency."

"It's no trouble at all," said the receptionist cheerfully, "go right on in. He's waiting for you." So without even getting the chance to look around and figure out where I was my mom grabbed a hold of my wrist and led me into the back room.

Compared to the outside and even the waiting room the back room looked amazing... and expensive. Books were everywhere on mahogany shelves and there were a few statues and paintings sprinkled around. There was a large leather couch seated next to a big leather arm chair right in the center of the room. And behind a gigantic mahogany desk sat an almost comically small (in comparison) man.

As soon as we entered my mom made a beeline for him and repeated, "Thank you so much for seeing us on such short notice," before reaching his desk. He adjusted his glasses and slowly stood up before saying, "No trouble at all." He switched his gaze over to me and said, "Hello Rachel, it's an honor to meet you. My name is Dr. Wilkins. I'm your mom's psychiatrist, and from the sound of things it seems like you'll be joining us today for an emergency session." He then turned his attention back to my mom and said, "So Mrs. Berenson, what seems to be the trouble?"

We both sat down on the couch and my mom began to tell him what she saw. He seemed to be very interested as he listened and wrote down a whole bunch of stuff on his note pad. But after my mom had finished the story she continued on to say how she'd felt about me ever since the end of the war. She said that she was always worried about me but never forced me to do anything I didn't want to do. She'd given me a lot of space to figure things out on my own and she thought that she was responsible for what I was doing in the bathroom.

For the first time since I'd sat down on the couch the Dr. Wilkins turned to me and said, "Well Rachel, what do you think? Has your mother done a good job ever since the war ended? Was it because of her that you decided to do what you did?"

It was at that point that I finally realized I wasn't just hurting myself by being the way I was. I didn't really care that I was hurting myself. But at the same time I was also hurting my mom and probably lots of other people too. Finally realizing that really made me open up for the first time since the Larry King interview.

I went on to tell my mom that she was doing a great job simply leaving me alone and that I always knew that I could talk to her if I needed to. I also told her that she had nothing to do with what I was doing in the bathtub. And after a somewhat teary hug between us Dr. Wilkins finally said, "Do you feel better now Mrs. Berenson?"

"Extremely," my mom said with a small tear in her eye.

"That's great," Dr. Wilkins said, "but I think I'll need some time alone with Rachel to see if we can figure out what's bothering her." Then he turned to me and said, "If that's alright with you."

"At this point," I said slowly, "I'm up for anything." I knew that I wasn't going to be able to have any more of my sessions and I really didn't want to go back to feeling like I had before. I was sick and tired of feeling that way. I might as well have him take a look at me and see if he could help. I was out of other options.

The next two weeks went by incredibly slowly. I thought that it would be like a regular doctor where you go in and talk for fifteen minutes before getting some medicine and leaving, but boy was I in for a surprise. Every day for several hours we met and talked about this or that. We started slowly at first, but at the end he was really trying to delve deep within me.

The problem was that I didn't really learn anything new. He quickly diagnosed me with severe depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (no brainers really) along with a few other mental conditions. He told me that my emptiness inside was probably due to losing loved ones (namely Tobias but he also suggested people like Tom and even Jake) along with that rush of battle and war. He even went so far to suggest that maybe my childhood had been lost as well which contributed to the emptiness. I basically knew all that already but I simply didn't know how to deal with it. Oh sure, he gave me a bunch of tips and methods to try out but none of them seemed to work... if I even felt like doing them in the first place that is. However, there was one thing that he gave me that helped quite a bit. Medication.

He had prescribed three different pills (one for my depression and the other two for other things I had going on) and they worked decently well. But even though my mood seemed to get somewhat better it still felt kind of fake. I knew that if I stopped taking the drugs that I'd go back to feeling empty inside. Even though things were a bit better I still couldn't find much motivation to do anything. That is until one day when things decided to change drastically.

About a month or two after I started seeing the psychiatrist I heard a knock on my door. "Rachel," my mom said through the door, "you've got a visitor."

"Who is it?" I said before switching off the TV so I could hear her.

"It's Marco," she replied quickly.

Although I didn't really feel like talking to anyone right now I was curious why Marco of all people would want to see me all of a sudden. "Alright," I said back, "let him in."

As I heard my mom walk back downstairs I sat up on the edge of my bed and adjusted my hair a bit. I had been lying in bed all day and the last thing I wanted was for my hair to show it. Before long I heard another knock at the door, but this time with Marco's voice following it. "Hey Rach," I heard him say, "mind if I come in?"

"Sure," I said back trying to sound happier than normal. And with that I heard my door creak open and watched Marco slowly make his way inside.

He took a few steps into the room before he said, "It's good to see you again Rachel. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yeah," I said back as he quickly sat down next to me on the edge of my bed, "its been a few months."

"So," Marco said somewhat excitedly, "how've you been recently?"

I took a small pause before saying, "To be honest I've been better. A lot better."

Marco's enthusiasm wained a little bit as he said, "Yeah, I can imagine that it's been tough for you recently. It's been tough for all of us. But it's all over now. The Yeerks are all either snakes or dead. I know that won't bring back Tobias, but at least it's comforting to know that you'll never have to go into battle against them again."

"I don't know," I said back with a sigh. "I know it's kind of messed up, but I kind of do want to go back into battle. As horrible as it sounds it reminds me of a simpler time in my life where I had two simple objectives: fight the Yeerks and stay alive. Now with the war over I just feel kind of... empty. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I just can't get motivated to do anything..."

I took a small pause before saying, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dump everything on you like that, but it makes me feel better to tell someone other than my psychiatrist."

"Don't worry about it," Marco said with a laugh, "I'm sure Cassie is tired of hearing about it way more than I am."

I rubbed my arm uncomfortably as I said, "I really haven't talked to Cassie in a while. And I never told her half of what I just told you."

"Really?" Marco said in surprise, "and she let you get away with that?"

"Well," I said in return, "the first few weeks after the war ended she would always bug me to tell her how I felt and everything. But after getting nowhere for a while I think she finally realized that I needed some time on my own to think about it and that I'd call her when I was ready to talk. I haven't gotten back to her since."

"So," Marco began slowly, "are you ready to talk yet?"

"I'm not sure," I replied. And then after thinking for a bit I said, "Why do you seem so interested in me all of a sudden?"

"Alright, here's goes nothing," I heard him say under his breath. Then he began with, "Rachel, I've been really worried about you for a while now."

"Aww, how sweet," I said sarcastically.

"Come on Rachel," Marco said quickly, "You know how hard it is for me to be completely serious! I really _have_ been worried about you. Ever since the war ended I knew you'd have it rough, but now you're starting to scare me a bit. I mean, have you heard some of the rumors going around about what you've been doing recently?"

"I've heard a few," I interrupted.

"Everything from becoming a psycho killer to committing suicide by jumping off mountains," Marco continued. "I just needed to come visit you myself and make sure you're all right."

"Why do you care so much about me anyway?" I suddenly burst out.

"Because I don't want to lose anyone else," Marco said weakly after a moment of silence. "The Animorphs seem to be falling apart and I don't really have anyone else to relate to. Tobias has been gone for some time now. Ax left to be the commander of a ship somewhere. Even Jake has been... messed up ever since the war ended. The only other people I have left are Cassie... and you. And I can only imagine the kind of shape you've been in ever since the war ended. I don't want to lose you as well..."

I didn't really know what to say. All of a sudden I had someone caring about how I was feeling... besides my family that is. They're supposed to do that. Marco could've gone on living his rich life and never thought twice about what I was doing, but here he was. Suddenly my life felt important again. There _was_ someone out there who cared about me. There _was _someone out there who wanted to see me go back to the way I used to be. For the first time in months I began to feel... happy... and my emptiness slowly began to fill up. That's what I had needed all these months. Someone to really care about me...

We sat there in silence for a while before Marco finally began again. "So if you want someone to talk to I'm here. And if there's anything else I could do to help just let me know." He paused again before saying, "And I know it might seem kind of sudden, but there's something I really want you to do. I think you should finally get out of your house and do something fun. It'll do you a world of good, trust me. Believe it or not I was a bit bummed after the war ended. And it wasn't until I went back to the arcade and started to do the stuff I used to do that I really began to feel better. When's the last time you went to the mall, huh? Although I guess the crowds would get kind of nasty around you if you went right now. How about we start with something smaller. You wanna meet up later for some coffee or something at Starbucks? We could just sit and chat for a while if you want. Nothing too serious. Not until the media gets used to you being outside your house anyway. So, whaddya say?"

For the first time in months I smiled as I said, "I'd love to."


End file.
